Rabbi’s Message: June 10, 2025
By Rabbi Lauren Ben-Shoshan
This week’s Torah portion, Parashat Beha’alotcha, presents us with a deeply moving, often overlooked moment in our spiritual narrative — one that teaches us about compassion, humility, and the redemptive power of second chances.
Numbers, chapter 9, introduces us to the unique commandment of Pesach Sheni — the Second Passover. As the Israelites prepared to observe Passover in the wilderness, a group of individuals who became ritually impure – due to contact with a corpse – approach Moses and Aaron. They ask, with yearning and integrity: “Why should we be deprived and not be able to offer Adonai’s offering at its appointed time with the rest of the Israelites?” (Numbers 9:7).
Moses consults God, and the response is astonishing: God creates a new opportunity. Those who could not bring the Passover offering due to impurity or being on a distant journey are now granted a second chance, exactly one month later, to reconnect, to belong, and to fulfill their spiritual commitment.
This moment is not just about ritual. It’s a declaration that second chances are not just possible, but holy too. Judaism recognizes that sometimes life’s circumstances — or our own missteps — may interrupt our path. But the Torah teaches: there are ways to find a path forward.
In our own lives, we often find ourselves burdened not just by mistakes or bad choices, but by the weight of our inability to forgive ourselves for them. Whether due to guilt, shame, or a relentless inner critic, self-forgiveness can feel elusive. Yet Pesach Sheni reminds us that second chances are sacred too.
But how do we engage in this kind of healing?
Dr. Everett Worthington’s research on forgiveness — especially self-forgiveness — has shaped the therapeutic and spiritual understanding of how people move from shame and guilt toward healing. At the heart of this work is the REACH model, originally developed for interpersonal forgiveness, but later adapted for self-forgiveness. Here's how it applies, and how we can use it as a step-by-step practice:
R – Recall the Hurt
Self-forgiveness begins not with denial, but with honest confrontation. We must recall the situation — what happened, what we did or failed to do, and how it impacted ourselves and others.
This step is about truth-telling. Not exaggerating our wrongs, but also not minimizing them. It can be emotionally painful to sit with this, but reflection must precede healing. Using judgmental attributions – like “I was awful” or “I ruined everything” – is not helpful at this stage. Journaling or talking to a trusted confidant or therapist can help process the memory with clarity and compassion.
In the Torah, we see this through the scapegoat ritual in Leviticus 16. Aaron and the priests name their sins out loud before engaging in the proscribed forgiveness and letting go ritual. We do this at Yom Kippur, during the Viddui or confessional prayer. By naming our mistakes, we honor what happened and the real consequences that resulted.
E – Empathize with Yourself
This is where self-forgiveness starts to diverge from guilt and move toward healing. Often, we empathize with others — but with ourselves, we become harsh critics.
Empathy doesn’t mean excusing behavior. It means recognizing that we acted under stress, fear, ignorance, pain, or unmet needs — and that we are more than the worst thing we've done. It means speaking to yourself with the same compassion you would speak to a dear friend. Empathy allows us to see ourselves as flawed but redeemable human beings.
A – Altruistic Gift of Forgiveness
Dr. Worthington frames forgiveness — even toward oneself — as a gift, not a transaction. It's not earned through punishment; it's given through compassion. Just as we can forgive others for their humanity, we can choose to forgive ourselves as an act of grace.
In Judaism, this echoes the principle of rachamim (compassion), which the Talmud says is one of God’s primary attributes (Exodus 34:6). We are invited to emulate this divine quality — especially inward.
C – Commit to Forgive
Forgiveness is not just a feeling; it's a decision. Dr. Worthington stresses that we must commit to self-forgiveness, even when guilt returns. This is especially important because shame has a way of resurfacing.
Commitment involves deciding: “I will no longer define myself solely by this mistake.” It means deciding that you are not the worst thing that you have done; nor are you the worst thing that has happened to you. This is a form of spiritual teshuvah, where one resolves to grow beyond the harm.
H – Hold on to Forgiveness
This final step is about maintaining the forgiveness you've worked for. It's common to relapse into self-blame, especially during stressful times. Holding on means reminding yourself of the choice you’ve made and practicing resilience.
Dr. Worthington likens this to tending a wound: once it’s bandaged, it still needs care until it heals. Similarly, self-forgiveness is a process that may need to be revisited, but not undone. Especially when your forgiveness feels fresh and tender, remembering to re-choose self-forgiveness regularly is healthy and necessary.
Why This Matters Spiritually and Emotionally
The Divine invention of Pesach Sheni in our Torah portion reminds us that time and grace are not just possible, but sacred too. The REACH model mirrors that. It is a way of moving from paralysis to purpose — not by ignoring sin or pain, but by moving through it with awareness and intention.
Shame, when left unexamined, isolates us. But forgiveness — when approached through honest inventory, empathy, and commitment — reconnects us to ourselves, to others, and to the divine spark within each of us.
Our tradition does not shy away from imperfection. Instead, it meets us in our humanity. The Torah of Second Chances is not only about ritual impurity in the wilderness — it’s about all of us, striving to grow, heal, and return. Just as God made space for those who missed their first opportunity, so too must we learn to make space within ourselves — for patience, for compassion, and for the slow work of self-forgiveness.
May we find the courage to walk the path of healing, knowing that the gates of return are always open.
(And! Looking for more Torah like this? Keep an eye out to be able to mark your calendars for Yom Kippur and all of our other High Holy Day offerings!)
