Rabbi’s Message, December 9, 2025
In between Thanksgiving and the secular New Year, here in North America, is typically what I think of as the season of large (and often complicated) family gatherings. This is also the season in the Jewish calendar that we read about often complicated family relationships and gatherings in Genesis. This past week in the Torah was a big one. Parashat Vayishlach narrates the meeting between twins Jacob and Esau, after they have grown into adulthood and established families of their own. In the spirit of this convergence, I wanted to share with you the sermon from Friday night’s Shabbat celebration. (And if you want to hear more like this, please see our calendar for our next Shabbat! Rabbi Evon and I would love to see you there!)
Wishing you a wonderful week and a prayer for relational health, healing, and repair,
Rabbi Lauren
The author of The Family Dynamic, Susan Dominus – whose remarkable investigation into sibling success has been a part of my personal reading list this week – reflected in an interview how siblings — not parents — often shape our inner lives most profoundly. “Sometimes,” she said in her interview last year with WHYY’s Fresh Air, “the most powerful model in a child’s life is not a parent, but a brother or sister who shows what’s possible.” (1)
This struck me particularly this week, because, not only are we in a season of potentially large-scale family gatherings, but also this is the week that we read Parashat Vayishlach. In it, we continue with one of the most complicated sibling stories in our Bible: Jacob and Esau. For those of us not following the tea of the past couple of weeks in Torah, Jacob – with the encouragement of his mother, Rebecca – cosplayed as his twin Esau in order to steal Esau’s birthright and blessing from their father. And then, after he successfully stole his brother’s birthright and blessings, Jacob ran away. For years. And this week is the long-awaited reunion of Jacob and Esau. It is a story about conflict, fear, rivalry, regret, estrangement, and — against all odds — transformation.
For those of us who are parents or have siblings, we can see that this is a story in which so many of our values — humility, truth, honor, loving-kindness, patience — is activated, stretched, and tested by the dynamics of this siblingship.
Just as Jacob recognizes that he cannot control the story Esau carries, Dominus shows us that siblings often hold competing versions of the same past. Susan Dominus tells us that siblings are among our earliest and most enduring shapers of self. And Parashat Vayishlach tells us how complicated that shaping can be. The Torah portion opens just as Jacob has departed from his uncle Laban’s territory, and is about to cross back into his father Isaac’s territory.
When Jacob hears Esau is coming toward him with 400 men, the Torah tells us: “Jacob was greatly afraid and distressed.” In response, the medieval commentators wonder: Why two emotions? Why “afraid” and “distressed”? Rashi explains: He was afraid of being killed and distressed that he might have to kill.
But there is another layer potentially at work here: Jacob is afraid of being truly seen — seen not as the polished, successful, wealthy man he has worked to become, but as the young man who once deceived his brother and ran away. Siblings know our beginnings. They know what we looked like before we knew who we were. They were witnesses to our awkwardness, our mistakes, our utter unfinishedness.
In Dominus’ terms, siblings hold our formative “narratives” — stories about who succeeded first, who received more attention, who felt overlooked. Those narratives follow us well into adulthood, often unchallenged.
In this way, Jacob embodies the spiritual struggle of Anavah, humility. Not self-erasure, not self-loathing — but the terrifying honesty of standing before someone who remembers you before you were polished. True humility is not thinking less of ourselves; it is seeing ourselves truthfully – considering the raw emet, the raw truth, of our whole selves. From this standpoint – one in which we are grounding in the humility of who we were and who we have grown to be, in combination with acknowledging the whole truth of each of these stages – repair becomes more possible. Repair in sibling relationships is rarely about undoing the past; rather, it is about facing it truthfully and with ownership of your agency, or lack thereof throughout your childhood, and spaces for growth.
In response to this moment, when Jacob finally sees Esau approaching, he bows to the ground seven times.
Not once, not twice — seven.
This is choreography, but it is also a kind of confession. It is a confession of what Jacob has learned in his time away. It is an attempt to show his brother that he has learned humility and that he has the ability to make space to finally show kavod, to show honor, to his brother. For us, we can see that this Kavod, honor, is the discipline of seeing the Divine Image in another (even our siblings). And Jacob does something extraordinary. He honors Esau with more dignity than he has ever shown him before.
Rabbi Jonathan Sacks taught that Jacob wants to rewrite the relationship not through apology alone, but that this act of bowing is an action that restores honor to Esau, honor that a part of their childhood took away.
Susan Dominus’ book reveals something parallel: siblings often carry very different stories about the same childhood. One remembers being overshadowed; another remembers being burdened. One recalls privilege; another recalls scarcity. We bring those narratives into adulthood — into our fears, our relationships, our decision-making.
But as we move into adulthood, we also come to the realization that we can have power over these narratives. We can transcend the choices that we made as children; and we can transcend the influences and environment that cultivated those choices. Indeed, Jacob bows seven times because he recognizes that he does not control the narrative of their shared childhood. He cannot dictate how Esau remembers. He can only honor the truth that each of their stories matter. Indeed, spiritual maturation means making space for more than just our own stories.
How many adult relationships break not because of malice, but because we cannot honor the other person’s version of the past?
This moment of our Torah whispers:
Your truth does not cancel theirs.
Your memory does not eclipse theirs.
But honor can create room for both of you to breathe and even begin to reconcile.
And then, as we return to our parasha, it happens —
the moment no one in the Torah could have predicted. Genesis 33 states:
“Esau ran to meet him, embraced him, fell upon his neck, and kissed him; and they wept.”
This is not strategy.
This is not power.
This is chesed — pure, disfiltered loving-kindness.
Esau, the brother Jacob feared most, becomes the healer of the story.
Susan Dominus teaches that siblings often surprise one another.
Traits we assumed were fixed — rivalry, resentment, ambition — have the capacity to soften over time. We can grow into new versions of ourselves.We can release burdens we once held tightly. In our spiritual tradition of Mussar, this moment involves savlanut, patience — this is the moment that shows us that every soul has the capacity to ripen in its own season, if only given the opportunity and the time.
When he embraces his brother, Esau proves that healing is possible, even when history is jagged. Jacob proves that humility and truth can prepare the ground. The brothers cry together because they make space for what is new.
And here lies one of the deepest teachings of Vayishlach:
Reconciliation does not require rewinding the past; it requires seeing the emet – the truth – of one another. It requires making space for kavod – for the honor – and acting on the chesed – the loving-kindness – that each of us need. It requires the savlanut – the patience – that it takes for us to trust that we can all grow, with the fullness of time and personal effort.
The lesson for us today, in this community is that we, too, are siblings — through this shared community, through this sacred covenant, in this journey of stumbling toward holiness.
The Torah does not promise that every sibling story will resolve with an embrace. But it does offer us the idea that transformation is possible, and that our relationships — even the most complicated ones — can become pathways to our holiest selves.
May we meet our own siblings — of blood, of history, of choice, of community — with humility and truth, with honor and kindness, and with patience that makes space for healing and growth.
And may we, like Jacob and Esau, find moments where the story breaks open and something unexpected — something tender and redemptive – comes running toward us.
(1) Dominus, Susan. Interview by Dave Davies. “Parenting, Siblings, and the Psychology of Success.” Fresh Air, WHYY, May 7, 2024. Audio, 35:42. https://www.npr.org/2024/05/07/1249489275/susan-dominus-sibling-success
Vayishlach - Wrestling with Wrestlying: Dec. 2 2025
Shalom,
Wrestling is such a funny thing to me. I don’t mean the scholastic or olympic style of wrestling, but the professional entertainment kind. Growing up, I definitely wrestled with my brother, with my friends, and enjoyed the WWF (professional wrestling), the precursor to the WWE. But, as I grew older, perhaps matured a bit, and learned more about the production side of professional wrestling, I began to view it as silly. Yet, both styles of wrestling have the same goal: To pin or toss your opponent. It is when I re-visit this description and use that to read this week’s Torah portion, I become confused.
In parashat Vayishlach (Read the portion here>>>), Jacob is returning from decades away after fleeing his twin brother Esau. As he approaches the moment of confrontation, he stops for the night by himself. This is the well-known scene in which he wrestles with an entity, the text states a “man” yet the details are not entirely clear:
Jacob was left alone. And a man wrestled with him until the break of dawn. When he saw that he had not prevailed against him, he wrenched Jacob’s hip at its socket, so that the socket of his hip was strained as he wrestled with him. Then he said, “Let me go, for dawn is breaking.” But he answered, “I will not let you go, unless you bless me.” Said the other, “What is your name?” He replied, “Jacob.” Said he, “Your name shall no longer be Jacob, but Israel, for you have striven with beings divine and human,-d and have prevailed.” Jacob asked, “Pray tell me your name.” But he said, “You must not ask my name!” And he took leave of him there. (Genesis 32:25-30)
This is a different kind of wrestling. That is what strikes me this year. We, as a people, have earned the nickname of being God Wrestlers from this passage. But, if I think about wrestling as pinning or tossing, that’s not what I want to engage with vis-á-vis God. The commentaries added perspective like Ibn Ezra who connects the Hebrew for wrestle (aleph bet koof) to another of its meanings as dust: They got dusty, and kicked up dust around and between them. Rashi turns to the Midrash, as he usually does, and shares that Jacob’s opponent was Esau’s guardian angel. (Genesis Rabbah 77:3) There are even more layers our tradition provides to elucidate this scene, a lifetime of learning in fact.
At this moment, there are two ideas that strike me. One is that I like a different translation for ויאבק (wrestle), and that is grapple. Yes, grapple can mean wrestle, but it can also mean to grasp or bind closely. I like the idea that Jacob is grappling with his relationship with God, and therefore, we are implored to grapple too; we are charged to work towards grasping a relationship with the Divine. The other is this idea of the opponent being Esau’s guardian angel. Through this lens, I am learning that Jacob knows he was not entirely upright in dealing with his brother. In order to return to him, to perhaps reconcile, he must grapple also with how he understands Esau, and to look at it honestly.
We are God-grapplers, and I like that better than wrestlers because it is not about being victorious, rather being learners. And, when faced with prickly relationships, with wrong-doing, and reconciliation, we must grapple with how we perceive others, and with ourselves, as Jacob appears to be doing in this scene.
As we move into a new week, and towards the light of Hannukah, may we grapple with ideas big and small…and with our relationship with God, the Divine, Mystery of Creation, whatever it is we believe. May we consider moments of struggle as an opportunity for learning, for perceiving differently, and holding tight to what truly matters.
Shavua Tov - To a Good Week,
Rabbi Evon
Rabbi’s Message: One step towards peace at a time
November 25, 2025
I gave a version of this message during the sermon at services at NTHC this past Shabbat; but even as the Jewish world enters into this new era of healing now that the war is coming to a conclusion, I noticed that there is very little good news these days. So, in this week that our thoughts turn to gratitude, I thought I would most like to spread this message of some of the efforts towards peace that give me hope and foster gratitude for all of the ometz lev, the strengthening of the heart, that this work takes. I pray that they nurture that spark in you too:
Several years ago, when we were living in Israel, our family adopted a lone soldier. The lone soldier program pairs young adults who move to Israel and serve in the IDF with families who can offer something priceless: a place to land, to rest, and to be cared for. That weekly return to a home is one of Israel’s most powerful tools for preventing the isolation, alienation, and trauma that too often haunt veterans elsewhere.
Our soldier was from Connecticut. Her name is Kayla. She came to us through my dear friend and counseling mentor, Dr. Betsy Stone. Gaining a twenty-something “child” while my other children were still in diapers should have felt funny—but Kayla simply became part of us. I signed her ketubah at her wedding. I fussed over her and her husband Elad when they visited after their honeymoon. And two weeks ago, I joyfully delivered gifts to her daughter Doriah—who is, in my completely unbiased opinion, the world’s cutest spaghetti-covered toddler.
But the moment that filled me most deeply with pride was hearing Kayla describe her new work.
This year, she joined Sindyanna of the Galilee, a women-run, Arab-Jewish cooperative committed to building shared economic opportunity and, more importantly, shared humanity. Kayla has always loved the intersection of nourishment and entrepreneurship, but this work is different. It is quiet, careful peace-building. It is women sitting together across lines of difference, making something with their hands, and allowing the possibility to grow with them.
When she first told me about it, I felt the two truths she was holding: the anxiety of stepping toward people whose intentions you can’t yet read, and the deep desire to help create peace anyway. That tension sits at the very heart of this last week’s Torah portion, Toldot.
When Isaac and Rebecca arrive in a new region of the land, they encounter Abimelech, king of the Philistines. Isaac is afraid—so afraid that he lies about Rebecca being his sister, the same painful pattern we saw with Abraham and Sarah. Later in the chapter, more tensions arise around land and water rights—accusations, expulsions, and old wounds rising quickly to the surface. (Genesis 26:9; 16–22)
Isaac begins in the same emotional posture many of us know well: tightened breath, suspicion, defensiveness, the feeling of “What will they take from me?” Psychologist Dr. Marilee Adams calls this the Judger mindset—the instinctive, protective reaction that emerges from lived experience and inherited fear. It is not irrational. It is human.
But the miracle of this portion is that Isaac does not stay there. Something in him softens. He pauses. He asks a different kind of question—not “Who will hurt me?” but:
What outcome do I actually want here?
Is peace possible?
What would it take for us both to stay and thrive?
Dr. Adams calls these Learner questions—questions that don’t deny fear but make room for curiosity and possibility. And that shift, however small, is what makes the treaty between Isaac and Abimelech possible.
The Torah doesn’t portray a perfect reconciliation. Trust is not magically restored. But they move, even if only briefly, out of fear and toward coexistence. And that movement is everything.
Rabbi Eliyahu Dessler, one of the great modern Mussar teachers, offers that each of us has a bechirah (or choice) point — the inner frontier where real choice becomes possible. Not the places we operate on autopilot, and not the places too far beyond our current capacity. The bechirah (or choice) point is the narrow, holy space where instinct meets intention.
Isaac stands at his bechirah point when Abimelech approaches him again.
Kayla stands at hers each time she sits with women whose histories are intertwined with her own, yet whose stories she is only beginning to learn.
And each of us stands at ours in our families, our communities, and our world.
The heart of Rabbi Dessler’s teaching is this: holiness is not found in winning the inner battle; it is found in the moment we pause long enough to choose.
When we ask a different question, like:
“What else might be true?”
“What might they be feeling?”
“What is the outcome I want for both of us?”
We push our bechirah point forward. Over time, those small courageous choices become our new nature.
The work Kayla is doing at Sindyanna is quiet, patient peace work, the kind that never makes headlines but changes lives. The kind that feels fragile. The kind that requires holding fear in one hand and hope in the other.
And it is the same work the Torah invites us into during this season.
Peace does not begin with answers. It begins with better questions.
Questions that widen rather than narrow.
Questions that make room for the humanity of the person across from us.
Questions that honor our fears but do not let them be the only truth in the room.
Isaac and Abimelech show us that even ancient rivalries can yield, for a moment, to cooperation.
Rabbi Dessler reminds us that spiritual growth happens one choice at a time.
And Kayla shows us that those choices—quiet, small, steady—can be the seeds of something much larger.
As we head into this week of gratitude and personal gatherings, I invite us to notice our own bechirah points, the places in which we discover that we too have a choice.
Where do we feel tightened breath?
Where do inherited fears or old wounds constrict us?
Where are we tempted to ask, “Why are they like this?” instead of “What might they be needing?”
And can we — just once, and then again — ask a gentler, wiser question?
Because every time we choose curiosity over certainty, openness over assumption, connection over fear, we widen the possibility of peace.
May we walk gently toward that possibility together.
May we know peace at our Thanksgiving tables.
May we know peace in our communities.
May we know peace in our world.
Wishing you a wonderful week and a Happy Thanksgiving,
Rabbi Lauren
A Thanksgiving Reflection from President Heidi Doyle
November 2025
This Thanksgiving, I’m thinking about something I came across while on a social media scroll (author unknown): “Some people look into your cup to see if you have more than they do, while others look to see if you need more.” Jewish tradition teaches us to be the latter—to notice, to and areyvut (responsibility for one another), we are called to lift each other up and ensure no one’s cup runs empty.
I am grateful for my Tahoe Jewish family and those who have been able to step up to financially support our spiritual home and community. This last month we received a substantial donation from one of our founding members, Ed Posin, through his trust managed by other founding members, Betty and Marty Fineman. These funds will be used to secure future repairs to our building, provide community gathering opportunities, and support our daily needs, honoring the legacy of those who built this congregation and preserving it for those who will inherit it.
As we gather around our tables with family and friends, may we cherish the blessings that fill our simply being present for someone who needs it.
At North Tahoe Hebrew Congregation, our strength is the compassion we show one another. This season, let’s keep filling each other’s cups.
Warm Thanksgiving wishes,
Heidi Doyle
Toldot Nov. 18, 2025 - Complexity of Inheritance
Shalom,
I recall a time when my sister, brother and I were spending time at my grandparents home. This was while my grandfather Seymour, may his memory be for a blessing, was still alive and we were joking around about who would inherit the decorative red glass beads. You see, these beads dwelled in a decorative glass basket in their living room. And, a rite of passage in our family was to have played with them as toddlers and youngsters. Sure, it probably was a bit risky having toddlers play with them, as they were no larger than a tootsie roll, yet my siblings and I, and all of our cousins each had their turn. When I have been blessed to bring Caleb, my now three year old son, to my grandmother’s home, he, too, has been brought into the Pearlman (my mother’s family) chain of tradition: Playing with the red glass beads.
So, as I think about that time when we sat around, half joking, about who would get to inherit this heirloom, it conjures so many family Hannukah parties, Thanksgiving dinners, Pesach Seders and Shabbat dinner memories to my mind. The beads would be spread across the living room floor strangely occupying us for hours. With my grandmother’s yahrzeit last week, I thought a lot about her, the glass beads, and what we inherited from my grandparents. I know for certain that I acquired four of the beads, one for each in my family as a keepsake. Yet, there are so many gifts passed through the generations, the majority of which are not material in nature, but spiritual in character. They are lessons taught and models of family, community, and people.
In this week’s Torah portion, we encounter a story that while it is unique to Torah, it is a tale that represents the complexity of inheritance that stretches even to today. If we have not experienced it ourselves, the strife that can accompany bequests and inheritance is a relatively common occurrence in families. In parashat Toldot (click here for the full text>>>) we learn the tale of Jacob and Esau. We are told of how Esau sold his birthright, the blessing of the oldest child, to his brother Jacob in a moment of poor decision making. The story unfolds when Jacob impersonates his brother Esau and with guile tricks his ailing father Isaac to bless him as the firstborn, an act that Torah tells us cannot be undone.
While there are countless intricacies to this story and much to be learned, this concept of inheritance is woven throughout the portion. An illustration of just how difficult this process can be is painted for us as we encounter the decisions of our ancient ancestors. Perhaps Torah is striving to ensure we undo the tradition of granting more to the eldest son. Or, it is possible that the text is working to lay out a different strategy to the trickiness of bequests. Yet, it is also plausible that Torah is simply expressing the timeless reality that the final gifts of one generation to the next will always be full of complexity. There are no easy answers to the behaviors of Esau spurning his birthright or Jacob’s guile and trickery or Rebecca’s role in this tale. But, the story can inspire us to ensure we do all we can to ensure our gifts to the next generation are thoughtful and crafted with intention.
Inheritance is part of the family and extended family experience. It is also communal and part of our people’s purpose: To ensure the future of our story. Building, creating, and maintaining Jewish communal life demands commitment. It requires Jewish leaders, professional and communal, and those identifying as Jews to engage, to participate, and to work towards discovering meaning in Jewish rituals and traditions, wrestling with Jewish belief structures and ideas, and feeling connected to a people. We inherited this ancient wisdom of Judaism and we hold a charge to continue to uncover its potential. Our congregation and our Tahoe Jewish Community will thrive as we show up, engage, and give of ourselves to craft meaningful shared experiences in our synagogues, with one another, and throughout our beautiful surroundings.
Those in my family with the red glass beads have a great responsibility. And while I may not physically carry them with me, those memories of using them for dreidel or using them to learn to count will also be part of my family’s inheritance.
May each of us work each day to craft a legacy that is rich with treasures; may they be treasures of material richness and memory. May our time with Jewish community be positive, may we see the good and the potential, and may we treasure each and every soul that gives of time, resources, and presence alike.
Shavua Tov,
Rabbi Evon
Rabbi’s Message, November 11, 2025
This Sunday, we’ll gather from the comfort of our couches for our monthly TJC Book Club! While it’s not a spoiler, I wanted to share a simple but powerful exercise that Dr. Lisa Miller offers in Chapter 14 of The Awakened Brain. In it, Dr. Miller invites us to grab paper and pencil and look back over the landscape of our lives with a few guiding steps:
On a sheet of paper, draw the road of your life.
Along that road, draw a moment when you faced a hurdle — a loss, a disappointment, a death. Mark that moment as a closed door.
Now consider what unfolded because that door remained closed. When we can’t claw open the door we wanted, we sometimes discover another that was quietly waiting. Draw that open door and the new landscape beyond it.
In that new landscape, identify the messenger or helper who showed up — perhaps a person, a practice, or an unexpected turn of heart.
Repeat these steps until your page holds three closed doors, three helpers, and three open doors.
Dr. Miller reminds us that when we trace these patterns, when we draw out these experiences for ourselves, we awaken to the possibility that even in our most challenging moments, guidance still has the potential to arrive.
This week’s Torah portion, Chayyei Sarah, offers a similar idea wrapped in our ancient narrative. After Sarah’s death, Abraham sees the depth of Isaac’s grief. Isaac’s world closed with the loss of his mother — a slammed door of the most painful kind. Yet through his father’s concerned care, through the help and wisdom of their servant Eliezer, and through Rebekah’s openhearted arrival, new doors began to open. The text tells us:
“Isaac then brought her [Rebekah] into the tent of his mother Sarah, and he took Rebekah as his wife. Isaac loved her, and thus found comfort after his mother’s death.” (Genesis 24:67)
Isaac’s healing did not come from forgetting his sorrow but from allowing himself to be guided — opening himself to the idea of receiving help, opening his heart to the possibility that love can return. The comfort he finds is not the absence of grief, but the re-entry of connection.
Maybe, like Isaac, we are still walking the stretch of road between a closed door and an open one. This week, let’s take time to draw our life roads and notice where helpers have appeared along the way. Sometimes they are family or friends. Sometimes they are moments of synchronicity — a book, a stranger, a sudden inner realization.
This week, may we cultivate the awakened eyes to see the messengers who stand beside the closed doors of our lives — and the courage to walk through the ones that have opened.
And! To discuss more insights and experiments from Dr. Lisa Miller’s Awakened Brain, join us on Sunday from 7 to 8 pm!
Shavuah Tov,
Rabbi Lauren
Rabbi’s Message: Vayera (Nov 4 25)
Shalom,
Did you hear about the traveling sales person who relies so much on hotels? They've actually become quite inn-dependent! Haha! I know I’m squarely in the chapter of my life for a good “dad-joke” now.
This week in Torah, parashat Valera, we are once again engaged in the early stories of our people, recounting the life of Abraham and Sarah. Moving through this week, we discover again the stories of the Angels of Mamre visiting Abraham. We are treated to story of hospitality. It is from this episode that our tradition derives much of the teachings around the value of Hachnasat Orchim - Welcoming Guests. We learn throughout our tradition about being a good host and about the responsibilities of being a good guest, too. Hospitality is a balance and a relationship; it is based on mutuality between guest and host.
Our community and our synagogue moments of engagement, whether it is Shabbat services, a social gathering, or religious school and beyond, are also about hospitality. Sure, as members, we’re not quite guests, and as the leadership and staff, we’re not quite the hosts, there is a lot we can draw on in this realm of hospitality. As we continue exploring ways to connect and build community, we must hold firm to the mutuality in this relationship. Building community demands of us to show up. It also requires our synagogue leaders, and the rabbis, to imagine and create the right kind of moments. As we continue striving to honor our tradition, and innovate into our bright future, this does not occur without our presence!
As we look ahead, there are many opportunities with Shabbat, Fiddler on the Roof, Shabbat on the Road, and Hannukah around the corner. We will be striving to gather and be community and we hope you’ll join us! If you have ideas about gathering and engaging, about events that would be meaningful and fun for you, please be in touch!
Shavua Tov,
Rabbi Evon
Rabbi’s Message: October 25, 2025
This week, I am excited to announce that I will be traveling to Israel for a quick solo visit during our traditional Rabbis’ Post-High Holy Days “Dark Week” (as an honor to the quiet month of Cheshvan and the recovery that is necessary for all Jewish clergy post-High Holy Days).
As a part of my travels in Israel, I am grateful to head to the Arava Desert for an Iyengar Yoga Retreat, led by my long-time, much beloved teacher Nancy Gardosh. While mentioned throughout the Tanakh, the Arava Desert is the setting for Deuteronomy and much of Moses’ wise advice to the people of Israel. In Isaiah 35, the Arava transforms into a symbol of spiritual renewal and blossoming. While I do not anticipate witnessing pillars of fire and darkness (Exodus 13:21–22; Numbers 9:15–23), nor finding a divine voice in a burning bush (Exodus 3:1-6), much like Hosea (Hosea 2:16–22), I am excited to open myself to opportunity of reconnection and renewal in one of Israel’s wild spaces. It is a blessing to be able to spend a Shabbat in spiritual reflection and intentional physical movement in a wilderness that is so rich with our people’s history and narratives.
During my four remaining days, I am looking forward to holding friends whose experiences have been weighing heavily upon my heart, hugging their children – including our “granddaughter” (who just turned one!) from our beloved adopted lone soldier Kayla and her husband – and, after I return from the desert, burying my feet in the Mediterranean’s sands with a cappuccino in hand. I cannot wait to be able to show you pictures.
Wishing you a week of rest and renewal in this quiet month of Cheshvan,
Rabbi Lauren
Rabbi’s Message: October 21, 2025
What do we do after the trauma?
This is the question that I always have when I read this week’s Torah portion, Parashat Noah.
Yes, in this Torah portion, I love thinking about the woodworking fun that must have been learning how to build a large boat.
Yes, in this Torah portion, I love imagining all of the animals marching two by two (or seven by seven, depending on which verse you are reading).
Yes, in this Torah portion, I love picturing what it means to keep watch for first the raven and then the dove, in the hopes that indeed the flood waters themselves will eventually recede.
And, if you know me, you know that I am practically vibrating with excitement over the crafting opportunities for teaching this Torah portion to children.
But really, every single time I read this Torah portion, the part that trips up my heart is how Noah fails to deal with the trauma of watching the death of people within his extended community. Did he know them? Maybe. But did their drowning in the overwhelming flood clearly wound his heart? Most certainly. The problem is that, in response, Noah could not “unclench” from his experience. He could not let go of the trauma, allowing it to flow through and past him; instead, he dammed it up by trying to dull his senses as soon as possible after the event. While it is beautiful that he planted a vineyard as soon as he disembarked, his intention was not to reaffirm the bounty that the earth had to offer; the rabbis say that his intention was to be able to get drunk as soon as possible.
Feelings are funny in this kind of way. It can be so deeply painful to craft healthier adaptations to difficult emotions or trauma. It is hard work to be aware of what might send you spiritually and emotionally reeling and then to find paths towards effective healing afterwards. And yet, avoiding processing the grief, the trauma, the pain that life sometimes brings us simply does not work either.
This is the challenge of the moment for Noah and for us: what healthy choices are we able to choose in the face of recovery from difficulty? Instead of planting ourselves in the first spot we see, are we able to see that a variety of options might lay before us? Instead of hiding away, are we able to ask for support from our loved ones and reach out to others in our community for a helping hand?
Rabbi’s Message: Oct 14, 2025
Yesterday, as we watched the return of the 20 living hostages, many of us felt the swirl of conflicting emotions rise and crash within us.
This is a season of unbridled joy – there is dancing in the streets and in our hearts that the ceasefire begins with stability and most especially, the return of our beloveds.
This is a season of heartbreaking grief – grief that this happened in the first place, grief that there are only 20 returning alive in this moment, grief over the destruction that war of any kind reaps, grief over the trauma of the past two years.
This is a season of palpable relief – relief that Israelis will no longer need to regularly run to their bomb shelters and question the structure of their saferooms. Relief that it will be possible to travel from place to place within the country without consideration for where the gas-station’s or bus stop’s re-enforced spaces might be.
This is a season of anxious worry – fear for what will happen to those Palestinians who Hamas now has the greater opportunity to terrorize, deep-felt worry for what this means for long-term peace and meaningful, much-wanted partnership in the entire region. Worry for our own people and the likelihood of the recurrence of such terror and security failures.
This is a season of courageous hope – hope that the ceasefire is long lasting and leads to significant peace talks. Hope that recovery from this level of trauma is possible. Hope that healing is within our grasp.
During Sukkot, we traditionally read Ecclesiastes, a book of our Tanakh that emphasizes the fragility of every moment in this world. As Kohelet writes:
There is a season is set for everything, a time for every experience under heaven:
A time for being born and a time for dying,
A time for planting and a time for uprooting the planted;
A time for slaying and a time for healing
A time for tearing down and a time for building up; (Ecclesiastes 3:1-3)
Ecclesiastes teaches that our lives are big enough to hold each of these things. We are big enough to embrace the difficulty, the complexity, and the beauty of each season.
So, as we feel the ripples of this moment in history, we breathe in the reality that our hearts are big enough. Our hearts are big enough to hold all of these feelings – feelings of hope and despair, feelings of grief and joy. Our hearts are big enough to be able to still dance, still sing, still rejoice while tenderly holding the tragedy and trauma that began two Simchat Torahs ago, and comes to one level of closure as we enter into the Simchat Torah of 5786. Our hearts are big enough for the fragility of this season and all it brings.
May we give one another permission to feel it all — to celebrate, to weep, to breathe, and to begin again – as we roll our Torah to its beginning once more.
Kol Nidre Address 2025/5786
By President Heidi Doyle
Good evening, for those who may not know me, my name is Heidi Doyle, and I have the privilege of serving as the President of the North Tahoe Hebrew Congregation. It is my honor to welcome you tonight, on the most sacred evening of our year.
I would like to take a moment to recognize our board members, who are here tonight. I invite them to please raise their hands so that we can acknowledge their leadership, their service, and their dedication to keeping our community vibrant. Thank you!
As we begin, let us also offer our heartfelt gratitude to Rabbi Evon Yakor, to our Cantorial Soloist Erev Rav Marni Loffman, our inspiring instrumentalists, and to the many volunteers who have worked so hard to create a meaningful and inspiring High Holiday experience for all of us. It takes many hands and many hearts to bring this service to life.
Tonight, as the familiar words of Kol Nidre echo through this sanctuary, we are reminded that this moment is about more than prayers spoken—it is about lives renewed. We face ourselves honestly, we consider the vows we did not keep, and we open the door to forgiveness, healing, and hope.
We are a medley of beliefs, and that is our strength. What unites us are the Jewish values that guides our lives: equity, inclusion, environmental justice, caring for the underserved, and sincere empathy for all who suffer. These values call us to be present for one another, and they invite all who identify with this vision to join us.
Our tradition calls us to this sacred work through teshuvah, tefillah, tzedakah—returning, prayer, and acts of giving. Teshuvah turns us back toward our best selves and toward each other. Tefillah gives us words for gratitude, sorrow, and hope. Tzedakah moves us from reflection to action—lifting up the vulnerable, supporting our community and repairing the world.
One of my favorite authors, Henry David Thoreau, wrote:
In wildness is the preservation of the world.
Here in the beauty of Lake Tahoe, we know this truth in our bones. The preservation of the world—of its forests, its waters, its wild places—depends on our care. And so too, the preservation of our Jewish life here depends on our willingness to care for one another, to strengthen this congregation, and to sustain it for the next generation. I believe his words remind us of our responsibility to preserve and care not only for the natural environment, but for one another. In caring for the earth and for humanity, we discover the true meaning of holiness. We cannot ignore the suffering of our time. We hold close in our prayers the war in Israel and the heartbreak of hostages still waiting to come home. And we extend our compassion to all who face the terrors of war, famine, injustice, and work instability. To be Jewish is to carry a deep empathy, and to let that empathy move us to action.
That is what we are building here together- a congregation rooted in Jewish tradition, wide enough to embrace everyone who seeks justice, peace, and belonging. This is the heart of our temple family.
But this is not something we can do alone or by a select few. Tonight, I ask you to join me- through financial contributions, your volunteer spirit and your welcoming nature -to sustain this sacred place.
I need you to invite others who identify with our community to join us. By opening our arms to others, by inviting like-minded friends and neighbors to join us, we enlarge the Jewish community our founders envisioned and strengthen our chosen Jewish family here on the shores of Lake Tahoe and Truckee.
We need your volunteer spirit—to help guide our children in learning, to nourish adult education, to plan activities that bring us together, and to share your talents in service. We need your financial support—to keep our doors open and ensure that every person can join in Jewish life regardless of circumstance. May this sanctuary always be a beacon of Jewish presence in the Sierra. Your gifts of time, your gifts of energy, your gifts of treasure—these are what transform this congregation from a building into a vibrant, living community.
On behalf of our board, our Rabbis, and all who serve this congregation, I thank you for your presence, your commitment, and your love. Together, we strengthen Jewish life here and beyond.
May we all be inscribed and sealed for a year of blessing, renewal, and peace.
G’mar Chatimah Tovah.
Change is possible, thanks to Chazak V’Ematz
Rabbi’s Message: September 30, 2025
This week, we stand in that liminal space between the awe of Rosh HaShanah and the intensity of Yom Kippur. These ten days are the hinge of the High Holy Days, the moment where we are invited to turn more fully toward the teshuvah we seek, and to summon the strength to follow through.
This week, we read Parashat Vayilech, at the very end of the Torah. As Moses prepares to take leave of the people, he turns again and again to three simple but powerful words: “Chazak v’ematz” — “Be strong and courageous” (Deut. 31:6–7). These are not just words for Joshua, his successor. They are words for every Israelite trembling at the edge of change, standing on the threshold of the unknown.
Moses knew that change is not easy. He spent his whole adult life trying to help the Israelites navigate the transformation from the constriction of slavery to the openness of freedom. Moses knew that to leave behind habits that no longer serve us requires strength. To open ourselves to the possibility of reconciliation and forgiveness requires courage. To admit where we have fallen short, and then to step toward a different future, takes a resilience of spirit that does not come naturally — it must be cultivated.
This season calls us not only to reflection but to transformation. The prayers we recite, the confessions we speak, the silences we endure are not meant to shame us — they are meant to strengthen us. Each “Ashamnu” whispered, each “Al Chet” recited, is like lifting a small weight. The more we practice, the stronger our spiritual muscles become. And with that strength, courage rises within us to act differently in the year ahead.
This week invites us to ask: What is the act of courage I am being called to this year? What strength must I muster to step into the life I long to live? And how can this community help each of us hold that courage when it feels fleeting?
So as we journey toward Yom Kippur, may we take Moses’ words to heart. Chazak v’ematz. Be strong in your commitments. Be courageous in your change. And may this season give us the “Chazak v’ematz” not only to dream of return, but to live it.
(This is a version of the iyyun (or “sermonette”) from this Shabbat Shuva – the Shabbat of Return.)
5786 New Year Message from the President
by Heidi Doyle
Rosh Hashanah is a moment to stop, reflect, and breathe in the possibility of a new year. And here, in Tahoe, surrounded by our mountains, the lake, and the clear skies, it feels even more powerful. The natural beauty reminds us of creation itself—and of how small we are, and yet how deeply connected we are to one another.
But as we gather here in peace, our hearts are also with those who cannot. The war in Gaza weighs heavily on us — not only the ongoing violence and the pain it brings to so many, but also the hostages still being held there. We carry them in our prayers. We dream and we hope for their release, for comfort to their families, and for an end to the suffering that war has brought to so many. We also carry with us injustices to segments of our society because of skin color or sexual orientation. As immigrants ourselves, and only three generations from the Holocaust, we worry. And standing here, safe in Tahoe, we feel both gratitude and responsibility. Gratitude that we can gather freely, without fear. Responsibility to live our Jewish values—to build community, to care for one another, and to ensure Jewish life thrives wherever we call home.
Jewish tradition teaches us that even in moments of uncertainty and pain, we do not lose our humanity, our hope — or even our humor. A rabbi once asked his student: “Why is it that Jews always answer a question with another question?” The student replied: “Why not?” That’s the Jewish way—we don’t have to solve everything today. We live with the questions. We hold the contradictions. And most importantly, we hold one another.
At North Tahoe Hebrew Congregation, that’s what we do. Whether you live here year-round, you’ve come up from the Bay Area, or you’re joining us just for the holidays, this place is your Jewish home in the mountains. It’s where we celebrate, where we learn, where we teach our children, and where we lean on each other in times of both joy and sorrow.
But this sacred gathering doesn’t sustain itself on spirit alone. It takes commitment. It takes resources. It takes your support. So, as we welcome this New Year, I ask you directly: please make a meaningful financial contribution to sustain our community here in the Tahoe–Truckee region. Every gift, no matter the size, keeps our doors open, our children learning, and our voices raised in prayer.
On Rosh Hashanah we say, Hayom harat olam — “today the world is born.” Here, in this breathtaking place, we have the chance to give birth not just to another year, but to another year of Jewish life — alive and thriving in Tahoe.
May this year bring peace. May it bring healing from the pain of war. May it bring kindness and understanding among us. And may it bring us closer together, in unity, in generosity, and in gratitude.
Shanah Tovah u’Mehukah—Wishing you a sweet and good New Year!
Heidi
Video message from NTHC Board President Heidi
A message from Heidi Doyle, NTHC Board President, to join us for Rosh Hashanah services on Tuesday, September 23!
Rabbis’ Message: September 16, 2025
As we shift closer and closer to our High Holy Day celebrations and commemorations, as we move through Selichot - a ritual that literally translates to “pardon” - I wanted to share this poem by Rabbi Evan Schultz with you:
A letter to 5786.
I just wanted to say I’m sorry.
There’s a lot of pressure on you.
5785 was a hard year.
War. Suffering. Violence.
Hostages. Pain. Hunger.
A lot of folks lost hope.
In each other. In humanity.
We’re coming to you tired.
Weary. Heartbroken. Confused.
Like I said, a lot of pressure.
Can you do anything for us?
We need more than sweetness.
More than apples and honey.
Or tkiyahs and truahs.
We need healing. Pause. Love.
Please help to awaken us.
To find water in the wilderness.
Hope in the human heart.
I know it’s a lot to ask.
But such is my fragile prayer.
Usher us in, to begin anew.
May the coming new year be a good year for us and for all peoples of the Earth. May it be a year of healing and awakening; may it be a year where we find water in the wilderness of this emerging era.
With love and hope,
Rabbi Lauren
Member highlight: Hattie Kaplan
Our congregation is proud to shine a spotlight on Hattie Kaplan, a senior at Truckee High School, who is turning her passion for service into action. Hattie is organizing Miles That Matter, a student-led 5K walk/run and community festival designed to support girls in Moshi, Tanzania (sign up at this link)
The funds raised will provide reusable menstrual cups through CouldYou? Cup, with a bold mission to end period poverty by 2040. In addition, proceeds will support the Empower HER workbook, which helps girls build confidence and resilience through lessons in health, financial literacy, leadership, and more.
The festival is free to attend, with donations encouraged. Registration for the 5K is $40 for adults and $20 for youth and students. Attendees can enjoy local vendors, live music, food, raffles, and family fun. Every participant and donor will receive a handmade bracelet symbolizing global sisterhood, plus raffle tickets for every $10 donated. In her own words, Hattie shares:
"My Jewish values have always taught me the importance of tikkun olam-repairing the world-and lifting up others in need. Leading Miles that Matter is my way of living out those values, creating a community event that brings people together while making a tangible difference in the lives of girls across the globe."
We are proud of Hattie and the example she sets as a leader, role model, and changemaker. Join her in building confidence, health and global employment-one mile at a time!
Rabbi’s Message for Sept. 9, 2025
Shalom,
The order of things matters. We may not always notice, yet things happen in a certain order to help us make sense, to learn, and to understand. We celebrate the transition to a New Year, Rosh Hashanah, and then dive into the work of the Yamim Noraim - Days of Awe. After ten days, we arrive at Yom Kippur, the day that helps us hold on to and reflect on the past year, while uttering words that urge us to look ahead - we stand between the past and the future, it is in a particular order.
This week, as we enter the final two weeks of the year, and the Hebrew month of Elul, we find in parashat Ki Tavo an important instruction manual, and order of things to do upon crossing into the land. In Deuteronomy 26:1, we read: When you enter into the land that Adonai, your God, is giving you as a heritage, and you possess it and settle in it, you shall take some of every first fruit of the soil which you harvest from the land that Adonai your God is giving you, put it in a basket and go to the place where Adonai your God will choose to establish God’s name. And a chapter later in the same portion, 27:2, we read: As soon as you have crossed the Jordan into the land that Adonai your God is giving you, you shall set up large stones. Coat them with plaster and inscribe upon them all the words of this Teaching.
We express gratitude, and we ensure we are holding onto the ‘Teaching’, the Torah. We have to first cross into the land, then we take time to express gratitude for all we receive. Yet, which comes first? While the order of the verses is to express gratitude first, the language of the second passage seems to indicate otherwise. In a fabulous volume, It Takes Two to Torah, Rabbi Dov Linzer and journalist Abigail Pogrebin discuss this very curiosity. One conclusion Pogrebin presents is the following:
AP: If we bring it back to the “first fruits” of tihs parsha, here’s how I’d connect them: Moses is telling his people, “These are your instructions when you get there. Yes, you must give a piece of your harvest to God; but the stones you’re supposed to do right away. You’re going to inscribe these stones before you bring in the first fruits.” Again, the Torah comes first, but emboldening this population to do it themselves is a way to have them be Godlike and inscribe the law with their own hands.
DL: I really like that. God comes first when you enter the Land. The Torah is saying, “Take responsibility. Show gratitude.” But showing gratitude doesn’t mean submission or dependence. It’s really, "Own the responsibility - follow the law - but also make it yours.” (Page 288)
Mrs. Pogrebin and Rabbi Linzer discuss the balance between recognizing God and all the gifts we receive with our gratitude and knowing that Torah is something we continue to author, together with the divine spark within each of us. In this season of Elul, the twilight of the year, we are searching our past year for how we can grow, for that we are grateful as we cross, not the Jordan, but into a new year. And, we are re-committing ourselves to our role as authors of our Jewish story. May we discover again our commitment to both as we prepare to cross into this New Year.
Shavua Tov & Shanah Tovah,
Rabbi Evon
Rabbi’s Message: September 1, 2025
Years ago, when we were living in Israel and our Bigs and the Littles were no more than a dream, there were a series of rockets from Gaza. Every day, at some point between breakfast and naps, a siren would wind up its chilling call and I would snatch my children from their play and sprint to our re-enforced saferoom or, if we were out at the park or the grocery store or buying a pizza for dinner, then the closest bomb shelter. We would tuck ourselves in, my arms wrapped around my squirming two (and, years later, four), singing songs or telling stories or getting to know the neighbors as we waited for the “booms” to subside.
At the time, I was asked why we weren’t planning on moving back to the States.
It was the same year as Sandy Hook. And I thought a terrible thing to myself: well, at least when we are attacked here, there is a saferoom where we can go.
This year, after dropping my children off for their first day of school, I opened up the news to read about the tragedy in Minnesota on August 27th. To see the picture of a mom, holding a shoe in each hand - shoes that I recognize from my own closet - as she sprinted into danger, on the chance that she would be able to wrap her arms around her babies and sing comforting songs to them, too… it reminded me of how painful the reality of this world can be.
It is approaching 13 years since Sandy Hook and the war I first experienced with Hamas. There is still no peace in Israel. There are still shootings in our schools here in the United States. In the context of these tragedies, I am devastated to realize: we are still here. In the tender reaching for hope, I can summon the courage to say: we are still here.
Everyone - every human being - should have the privilege of physical safety. No one should need to be this brave. But we are here, nonetheless. We are here to hold the tender hope that peace is possible, that safety is possible, in every corner of this world.
If you are interested in donating to our security fund - particularly in advance of these High Holy Days - please contact Holly at holly@tbytahoe.org. If you would like to get involved with our security committees, please contact Heidi at hdoyle55@gmail.com.
Rabbi’s message for 8/26/25 - Elul camping trip
This past weekend, many of us had the joy of gathering for our intergenerational Elul camping trip. Beneath the pines, with the lake shimmering nearby and the crackle of the campfire in our ears, we stepped into the spirit of Elul — the month of preparation, reflection, and return. What struck me most was how the weekend invited each of us to bring our whole selves into this sacred season, just as the characters of the “Hundred Acre Woods” remind us that there are many ways to approach the journey of a new year.
Eeyore shows us that sadness and stillness are not failures but gateways—moments when quiet honesty grounds us in truth. Piglet, with his anxieties, reminds us that it’s natural to feel uncertainty as we approach a season of change; his smallness gives us courage to be vulnerable and ask for help. Tigger, bouncing with enthusiasm, embodies the energy and excitement that renewal can bring—sometimes we need a little leap to propel us forward. And Pooh, with his gentle equanimity and love of simple joys, teaches us that a steady, content heart is a precious gift in turbulent times. (And if you are feeling like you missed out on the rabbis’ re-enactment of each of these, make space on your calendar next year for this meaningful and joy-filled Shabbat!)
Together, these beloved companions offer us a map for navigating the “Hundred Acre Woods” of our own lives as we step into 5786. Each emotion, whether heavy, anxious, exuberant, or calm, can be a pathway toward teshuvah – turning to our true selves – reflection, and deeper connection with ourselves, each other, and the Divine.
As we turn toward the gates of the New Year, I invite you to bring all of yourself into this season. Mark your calendars and plan to join us for the High Holy Day celebrations both at our synagogue and all around our beloved gem of Creation, Lake Tahoe. Together, we will walk into this new chapter, carrying our sadness, our fears, our joys, and our peace — knowing that, like our friends in the woods, we are never truly alone on the journey.
With blessings of courage, joy, and gentle beginnings,
Rabbi Lauren
Rabbi’s message - Aug 19, 2025
This Shabbat, my socials were covered in yellow.
Not because of a love of bees or sunshine. But thanks to the national protests throughout Israel. An estimated 500,000 people in just the single city of Tel Aviv alone emerged to protest against the current government and almost every aspect of their decisions, from their attempts at “re-balancing” power with the judiciary to their failure to bring home the hostages and foster peace. Outside of my favorite Israeli city, protests, strikes and transportation stoppages occurred throughout the country, from Eilat to Acco and beyond. Over 1 in 10 Israelis found themselves in the streets this Shabbat.
Now, I am, generally, not what I sometimes call a “David Brooks” rabbi. Not that there is anything wrong with that. There are just so, so many Jewish voices in this arena, from the excellent podcast Call Me Back to my personal love-hate relationship with the popular Ezra Klein. But this moment feels different. This feels different because the overwhelming Israeli protests this weekend speaks to the interior, spiritual work that continues to draw me to the rabbiniate. To witness so many friends from every walk of life in Israel - teachers and civil engineers, office workers and archeologists, artists and high-tech executives - express their voice and their dream for change was deeply moving.
And yes, protests are loud. They’re full of drumlines and chants and frustration and passion. But at their core, they are really quiet things. They start in the hush of the heart, in the stillness of a sleepless night, in the whisper (or knowing Israelis, the volley) of conversation around a Shabbat table: This is not the world I want. Or even more bravely: This is the world I still believe we can build.
That’s the part I can’t stop thinking about — that beneath all the signs and songs and sirens is a remarkably Jewish act: a confrontation with hope. Not cheap hope, not naïve optimism, but the gritty, grown-up kind that stares reality in the face and still chooses to dream. It is the hope we sing of during Hatikvah; it is the hope of Theodore Hertzl’s “If you will it, it is no dream”. That’s the hope I saw waving as a yellow flag across my feed last Shabbat.
And that brings us to our spiritual work. In just a few weeks, the shofar will sound, and with it, the ancient call to look inward and forward. So, let's begin where all meaningful change begins — with a question: What are our hopes for the coming year? Not just for the headlines, but for our homes. Not just for the protests, but for our prayers. Over the coming days, may we find the strength to ask this question honestly, and the courage to listen closely for the answer.
Shavua Tov, Rabbi Lauren