Rabbi’s Message for Aug 5, 2025 - Tu B’Av
As we reach the full moon of Av — Tu B’Av, the fifteenth of the month — we arrive at a holiday that is both deeply ancient and beautifully relevant. Often called the “Festival of Love,” Tu B’Av stands quietly in the Jewish calendar, yet it speaks volumes about the nature of love in its many forms: love between people, love between communities, love of self, and love of the Divine.
At the heart of this day is a powerful teaching from the Mishnah (Ta’anit 4:8):
“There were no days as joyous for Israel as the fifteenth of Av and Yom Kippur. On these days, the daughters of Jerusalem would go out in borrowed white garments… and dance in the vineyards. And what would they say? ‘Young man, lift up your eyes and see what you choose for yourself…’”
While the Mishnah calls Tu B’Av a joyful day, its deeper essence is about encounter, choice, and connection. This is not a tale of romance alone — it is a story of sacred love, rooted in dignity, humility, and shared values.
In Jewish tradition, love (ahavah) is never simplistic. Our sacred texts explore love in layered and nuanced ways:
Ahavat Re’im — the love of friends and companions. As the Talmud teaches, “Either companionship or death” (Ta’anit 23a). Deep friendship is a lifeline, a sacred bond built not only on affection but on loyalty and moral responsibility.
Ahavat Chinam — selfless love, a love that asks for nothing in return. Our sages tell us that the Second Temple was destroyed due to baseless hatred, and that it will be rebuilt through baseless love — a radical, active compassion toward others, even when we don’t agree or understand.
Ahavat HaGer — the love of the stranger. This form of love, commanded over thirty times in the Torah, challenges us to expand our circle of empathy beyond the familiar. It is love as justice.
Ahavah between partners, as celebrated on Tu B’Av, reminds us that romantic love, when rooted in holiness, can be a reflection of divine presence. But even here, our tradition stresses that love is not just a feeling — it is a daily practice, expressed through kindness, respect, listening, and growth.
Ahavat Hashem — love of God. While this theology isn’t a match for everybody, it is an option to explore: Ahavat Hashem is not a distant, theological idea, but a personal, embodied striving. As the Shema commands: “You shall love Adonai your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your might.” This love fuels all others — when we love the Source of all being, we learn to see each human being as sacred
In the ancient Jewish world, this moment was celebrated in the vineyards of ancient Jerusalem; the daughters would dance in borrowed garments so that no one would be shamed by status or wealth. Every person was seen for their character, not their clothing. Love was sought not through possession or appearance, but through discernment and dignity.
This public ritual — people meeting one another in openness, joy, and equality — symbolized something bigger: the possibility of a society rooted in love rather than fear, in connection rather than competition.
In our time, Tu B’Av calls us to reclaim that vision.
From the mussar tradition, we know that love is not instinct alone — it is a middah, a soul-trait to be cultivated.
True love requires balance. Unchecked, love can become attachment, control, or even idolization. But refined through self-awareness and discipline, love becomes expansive and sustaining. As mesilat yesharim (The Path of the Just) teaches, a loving person is one whose heart is open to others, whose actions are aligned with compassion, and whose ego does not block relationship.
Tu B’Av, coming just weeks before Elul and Yom Kippur, invites us into this work. Before we return to divine connection, we are asked to return to each other — to repair relationships, to open ourselves to forgiveness, and to choose love again.
May this Tu B’Av be a day of renewal — not only for romantic relationships, but for all the places in our lives where love is needed.
May we love more bravely.
May we be willing to be seen, and to see others fully.
May we choose love — in all its forms — not only when it is easy, but when it is healing, demanding, and holy.
With blessings for love that is rooted, whole, and enduring,
Rabbi Lauren
